I am officially suing whitepages.com

I used to love, adore whitepages.com. It was my first stop when I needed an address or phone number. I even recommended the website to friends and family and touted how much easier than an actual phonebook it was to navigate.

This admiration ended today.

I was doing the norm, looking up a few addresses, etc. when I realized how fancy the website had gotten. It now informs you whether the address and phone number listed is the person's work or home number and who else might be residing at their same address. It also lists where else he or she may have lived in previous years, and allows you to purchase (for a small fortune) a brief history of anyone with a social security number.

So I did it. I "whitepaged" myself. At first everything seemed fine. It showed I had a previous address in Collierville, TN (Memphis) and one in Decatur. I trusted their free information was correct and opted not to fork over the $54.99 to be sure.

Then I scrolled down and saw it: "Katherine Klepper.....Age 40." FORTY for craps sake!!! I haven't even celebrated my 30th.

Now, I don't know if this is some kind of sick joke set into motion by a person from my past who works for their company and has it out for me or if it is a legitimate mistake, but no one ages me that many years and screws me out of that many birthday gifts at the same time. Whitepages.com, either fix your misprint by 0400 hours on Thursday or I'm suing your inaccurate booty for defamation of character. In fact, as many people as you have listed on your website I bet we could get a little class action business going.

(ATTENTION READERS: If you have been defamed by whitepages.com please contact us immediately.)

I am serious. This is not a joke. Fix the lies you have listed on your website.

In separate but related news...Today's Lesson: pretty much everything you read on the Internet is false.